“First steer ri-i-ider, Joe Camnetti! Joe—nossir, he’s one of the local Jewishboys. Ho-o-old fast! Whap! No, he don’t qualify, except as a high-diver. Lookat the cowboy with the pretty shirt! That’s all it takes to make a cowboythese days—gaudy shirts.
“Buck Brady! Look at that Swede ride! No, he didn’t fall off; he tried to savehis hat. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! No, he’ll be all right. Rudder twisted a little,tha’sall. Makes him go sideways. The next ri-i-i-ider is Jimmy Gomez, theGerman mark. A black steer from Oregon! Qualify? What do yuh want him to do?You try it, brother.
“Yes, ma’am—plenty dust. Relay race? Not today. No, ma’am. All steer andbronc ridin’ today. Next ri-i-i-ider is Sam Pope. Not any relation, ma’am.This’n’s got a vacuum. Best rider of the two, though. Bo-o-o-oy, howdy! He’llqualify.
“That man with the flat hat? Oh, he’s the S.P.C.A. Fact. He’s out here to seethat we don’t hurt no dumb brutes. Yuh didn’t see him make any charges agin’that blue steer that walked all over Camnetti, didja? Who ain’t dumb—Joe?Rides steers, don’t he?
“Ladee-e-e-es and gentl’men! The next e-vent on this program is the broncridin’! The first ri-i-i-ider will be Happy Day on Tumbleweed. Ha-a-a-appy Dayon— Yes ma’am, he’s a buckin’ horse. No, he won’t come through the fence.Git away from that chute! Whooee-e-e-e! Rake’m, cow-boy!
“Yes ma’am, he reached for the apple and came up with a handful of dirt. No,ma’am, he ain’t hurt—he’s too tired to walk off. Yessir, a parachute would’a’ helped. Next ri-i-ider will be Hennery Simpson on Rollin’ Stone. Yesma’am, another horse. Hello. Willyum! Why ain’tcha ridin’? No? Some of youfellers are gettin’ temper’mentil, ain’tcha? How’s all yore folks, Andy? Thatyore wife with yuh? Hello, Mrs. Smith. You folks still livin’ together? Oh, Isee; Andy ain’t got into pitchers yet. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
“No, ma’am; Hennery didn’t do so well. He ort to have a Shetland pony topractise on. Hey! Who’s that fancy rider goin’ over the gate? Oscar what?Blair? Oh, yeah. Next ri-i-i-ider is Oscar Blair on Rockin’ Moon. There goesOscar! Ride ’m, bo-o-o-oy! Don’t sit—ride! Use yore spurs. No, ma’am, hedon’t qualify. Gotta rake ’em to qualify. They ain’t got no rake? That’sright. I’ll speak to ’em about that.
“Next rider is Tom Wilson on Tequila. Sounds like a temperance lecture. Yes’m,he’s that high-pocket person with the baby-blue shirt. He’s a tough hombre.Killed a man in Texas. Ran over him with a mowin’ machine. Ha, ha, ha, ha! No,ma’am, there ain’t a man qualified today—yet. Yuh can’t qualify if yuh don’tstay on, can yuh?
“To-o-o-om Wilson on Tequila! Let’s go-o-o-o-o! There’s a bucker! Climb themoon, bronc! Rake’m, Tommy! Rake ’em! Use yore feet. In the shoulders! Theshoulders, Tom! Them two humps jist ahead of yore feet! A-a-a-a-w, pshaw!
“No, ma’am, he didn’t. Good rider? Yes’m—morally. Was I pullin’ for him?Shore was. Look at that shirt he’s wearin’. I didn’t want it. No, ma’am, thereain’t no good riders left. They’re all gettin’ so short-legged that we’llhave to breed stock that have got their shoulders four feet nearer their rump.
“Ladee-e-e-e-es and gentl’men! Next e-event will be the steer wrasslin’.Yes’m, there’ll be dust—plenty. No, ma’am; nobody will git hurt—not even theS.P.C.A.”