THE
LIFE AND OPINIONS
OF
TRISTRAM SHANDY,
GENTLEMAN
by Laurence Sterne
Contents
| Volume I. |
| Volume II. |
| Volume III. |
| Volume IV. |
Ταράσσει τοὺς Ἀνθρώπους οὐ τὰ Πράγματα,
Ἀλλὰ τὰ περὶ τῶν Πραγμάτων Δόγματα.
TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE
M r. P I T T.
S I R,
NEVER poor Wight of a Dedicator had less hopes from hisDedication, than I have from this of mine; for it is written in a bye corner ofthe kingdom, and in a retir’d thatch’d house, where I live in aconstant endeavour to fence against the infirmities of ill health, and otherevils of life, by mirth; being firmly persuaded that every time a mansmiles,——but much more so, when he laughs, it adds something tothis Fragment of Life.
I humbly beg, Sir, that you will honour this book, by taking it—(notunder your Protection,—it must protect itself, but)—into thecountry with you; where, if I am ever told, it has made you smile; or canconceive it has beguiled you of one moment’s pain—I shall thinkmyself as happy as a minister of state;——perhaps much happier thanany one (one only excepted) that I have read or heard of.
I am, GREAT SIR,
(and, what is more to your Honour)
I am, GOOD SIR,
Your Well-wisher, and
most humble Fellow-subject,
T H E A U T H O R.
THE
LIFE and OPINIONS
OF
TRISTRAM SHANDY, Gent.
C H A P. I
I WISH either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, asthey were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were aboutwhen they begot me; had they duly consider’d how much depended upon whatthey were then doing;—that not only the production of a rational Beingwas concerned in it, but that possibly the happy formation and temperature ofhis body, perhaps his genius and the very cast of his mind;—and, foraught they knew to the contrary, even the fortunes of his whole house mighttake their turn from the humours and dispositions which were thenuppermost;—Had they duly weighed and considered all this, andproceeded accordingly,—I am verily persuaded I should have made aquite different figure in the world, from that in which the reader is likely tosee me.—Believe me, good folks, this is not so inconsiderable a thing asmany of you may think it;—you have all, I dare say, heard of the animalspirits, as how they are transfused from father to son, &c.&c.—and a great deal to that purpose:—Well, you may take myword, that nine parts in ten of a man’s sense or his nonsense, hissuccesses and miscarriages in this world depend upon their motions andactivity, and the different tracks and trains you put them into, so that whenthey are once set a-going, whether right or wrong, ’tis not a half-pennymatter,—away they go cluttering like hey-go mad; and by treading the samesteps over and over again, they presently make a road of it, as plain and assmooth as a garden-walk, which, when they are once used to, the Devil himselfsometimes s